As we tour the Cabinet of Curiosities, we will see all manner of oddities. There is a special section reserved just for product promotions, such as Yo! Noid, the Domino’s Noid video game, and Kool-Aid Man, the Atari game featuring…the Kool-Aid Man. All of this capitalistic excess is sure to work up thirst. Perhaps a thirst for Japanese Coca-Cola, as sponsored by the Coca-Cola Kid.

The Coca-Cola Kid was a mascot for Japanese Coke, and he was the hero of a Japanese only game (originally titled Sassō Shōnen Eiyū-den Koka Kōra Kiddo) released for the Sega Game Gear. The game was released in 1994 and was a side-scrolling platformer featuring an incredibly edgy youth who had the gumption to wear his hat BACKWARD! He also rode a skateboard. Despite this bad boy vibe, the Coca-Cola Kid’s mission is to rescue his school teacher, Miss Sakurako. She has been kidnapped by a Mr. Iwayma, who hit her with pow-gas and then made off with her.

The Kid can run and kick as he works his way through each level, and there are multiple routes players can take along the way. There are also secret walls that can be broken through to open up new paths. Of course there are enemies to battle. If you lose health along the way, you can always power back up by drinking a…wait for it…COCA-COLA!!!!

As you move through the levels you can also collect coins (again, fairly standard platformer fare) which can then be spent between levels. Because this is a soda themed game, you purchase items from a vending machine. Your options include things like continues, life ups, and a Coke disc (an attack frisbee).

It’s probably worth spending a few sentences to describe some of the bosses you’ll face in the game. You begin by fighting Mr. Iwayma, who looks a bit like a villain from a generic manga. The second level faces you off against a martial artist in Central Park who is dressed in glorious magenta karategi. The third boss is a minister dressed in priestly robes and with the partially shaved head of a monk. Also…for some reason he has a turtle shell that he disappears into part way through the fight. The next boss is a gentleman, perhaps of Eastern European descent, armed with a spear. The final boss is a scantily clad woman in a disco.

The game wouldn’t be complete without a twist ending of course. After you rescue Miss Sakurako, she enthusiastically hugs you, smashing your face into her rather ample bosom and making you pass out. You didn’t read that wrong.

That, my friends, is the glory and wonder that is Sassō Shōnen Eiyū-den Koka Kōra Kiddo. I sincerely hope you have enjoyed this journey through the Cabinet of Curiosities and I will see you next time.

Sincerely,

Just Another Geek, In the Geek Kingdom